Which B-List Celebrity Cruise is the Drunkest? - The Wire
Feb 14, 2014 1:59PM ET
(Associated Press)Who Attends: Gawker's Caity Weaver attended Deen's celebrity cruise because, in her words, "I wanted to see who was willing to spend, at minimum, roughly $3,000 to support a downtrodden millionaire. I wanted to see if there were any black people." The answer, you may be surprised to hear, is that there were a few black people! One in particular was the "The Grill Sergeant," a singing chef, whose friendship with Deen is chalked up to a marriage of convenience for both. Most attendants, though, were much like Paula Deen: a slightly overweight white woman near her 60s from the South. What They Do: Eat and cook, of course. They eat BBQ, they learn how to cook BBQ, they drink, and they play plenty of slot machines in the meantime. Oh, and all do one other thing consistently, at least in interacting with Weaver, which is to defend Deen from those accusations of racism. "Everyone on the boat is racist and nice. Including me," she writes. Most of the cruise's attendees defend Deen as getting a "raw deal," citing the litany of flimsy excuses for those accused of being racist. She has black friends. Black people say the n-word to each other, so it's actually racist that whites can't. It wasn't just Deen; everybody was racist back then (it was only in 1987). And so on.
(AP)Who Attends: 20- to-30-something women, with a dash of over-45ers, who used to be (or still are) big fan girls. They "make Beliebers look well-mannered, $17.50 commemorative plastic cups of frozen rum drinks in hand," BuzzFeed's Torie Bosch wrote of her time on the cruise. Like Bosch, some attended just to relive their youth. Others, including one woman who has spent $10,000-$15,000 "in the last 'few' years alone" on Boys-related expenses, have remained dedicated to their fixation. For example, Bosch meets a 26-year-old with each of the Boys' faces tattooed on her back. Aggressive.
(AP)Who Attends: Rednecks, in the words of GQ's Drew Magary, who "have more fun than uppity liberal folk like me." Most wear denim, a few wear custom overalls, and almost all go without a shirt for part of the time.
What They Do: At Kid Rock's cruise — err, excuse me, "Kid Rock's Chillin' the Most Cruise" — everything is fair game. "You are meant to get very drunk and very naked and encourage others to do likewise," Magary explains. There is cheap beer and shirtless overweight men and women aplenty, people who love a good time in the form of drunken debauchery surrounded by newfound friends. And they come up with creative solutions to that drunkenness. "Always ask for the wheelchair," one woman tells Magary. "Because then they'll roll you back to the cabin if you're too shitfaced to stand." There is, of course, plenty of vomit around. We're All the Same: The cruise attendees aren't just here out of Kid Rock fandom, they're here to celebrate life, uniqueness, and happiness. Oh, and the strength of the liver. "To party this hard takes genuine effort, and community," something every frat college kid and club-goer can relate to, "and it's hard not to admire the zeal of these folks." We all just want that community, whether it's in overalls or not.
Which B-List Celebrity Cruise is the Drunkest? - The Wire
Feb 14, 2014 1:59PM ET
(Associated Press)Who Attends: Gawker's Caity Weaver attended Deen's celebrity cruise because, in her words, "I wanted to see who was willing to spend, at minimum, roughly $3,000 to support a downtrodden millionaire. I wanted to see if there were any black people." The answer, you may be surprised to hear, is that there were a few black people! One in particular was the "The Grill Sergeant," a singing chef, whose friendship with Deen is chalked up to a marriage of convenience for both. Most attendants, though, were much like Paula Deen: a slightly overweight white woman near her 60s from the South. What They Do: Eat and cook, of course. They eat BBQ, they learn how to cook BBQ, they drink, and they play plenty of slot machines in the meantime. Oh, and all do one other thing consistently, at least in interacting with Weaver, which is to defend Deen from those accusations of racism. "Everyone on the boat is racist and nice. Including me," she writes. Most of the cruise's attendees defend Deen as getting a "raw deal," citing the litany of flimsy excuses for those accused of being racist. She has black friends. Black people say the n-word to each other, so it's actually racist that whites can't. It wasn't just Deen; everybody was racist back then (it was only in 1987). And so on.
(AP)Who Attends: 20- to-30-something women, with a dash of over-45ers, who used to be (or still are) big fan girls. They "make Beliebers look well-mannered, $17.50 commemorative plastic cups of frozen rum drinks in hand," BuzzFeed's Torie 
Bosch wrote of her time on the cruise. Like Bosch, some attended just to relive their youth. Others, including one woman who has spent $10,000-$15,000 "in the last 'few' years alone" on Boys-related expenses, have remained dedicated to their fixation. For example, Bosch meets a 26-year-old with each of the Boys' faces tattooed on her back. Aggressive.
(AP)Who Attends: Rednecks, in the words of GQ's Drew Magary, who "have more fun than uppity liberal folk like me." Most wear denim, a few wear custom overalls, and almost all go without a shirt for part of the time.
What They Do: At Kid Rock's cruise — err, excuse me, "Kid Rock's Chillin' the Most Cruise" — everything is fair game. "You are meant to get very drunk and very naked and encourage others to do likewise," Magary explains. There is cheap beer and shirtless overweight men and women aplenty, people who love a good time in the form of drunken debauchery surrounded by newfound friends. And they come up with creative solutions to that drunkenness. "Always ask for the wheelchair," one woman tells Magary. "Because then they'll roll you back to the cabin if you're too shitfaced to stand." There is, of course, plenty of vomit around. We're All the Same: The cruise attendees aren't just here out of Kid Rock fandom, they're here to celebrate life, uniqueness, and happiness. Oh, and the strength of the liver. "To party this hard takes genuine effort, and community," something every frat college kid and club-goer can relate to, "and it's hard not to admire the zeal of these folks." We all just want that community, whether it's in overalls or not.