You Out There? - Eratosphere
Eratosphere » Metrical Poetry » Metrical Poetry -- The Deep End » You Out There?
Way back God was all, like,
"Yoohoo, here I am!"
Today, though, when I call, like,
nothing. Nothing. Damn.
You could go with when we call and have a different poem. What does not answer is the answer to a prayer.
When there’s no one about in the quad.
Last edited by John Isbell; 07-02-2019 at 05:11 PM.
Does "way back" mean in former times, or way back in the N's life? I'd assume the first meaning, but then the N says "Today, though," so it sounds like more personal history is meant.
There’s a lot going on here Aaron, do two nothings make a bigger nothing?
And ‘damn’ is loaded.
Yoo-hoo, is maybe too colloquial, and would you consider hailing Yahoo, first coined by Swift connoting boorishness and later evolving into the all seeing internet entity?
As Leibnz put it- why is there something rather than nothing? But is there?
Any way it’s provocative and I like it greatly
"SO, YOU WANT MORE EGG IN YOUR BEER? SAY THANK YOU ONCE IN WHILE, EH." This message came from outside the known physical universe, flashing briefly on the destination display in the front of an interstate Greyhound moving at a reasonable speed past a lumbering Alfa Romeo.
Maximum condensation! It took me 18 lines to say the same thing. Agnostics and Atheists of the world unite, you have nothing to prove and you're right.
07-03-2019, 07:49 PM
I want a book of your poems with annotations by Allen Tice.
Yep, you're right in the fleshy part of the open wound. This is just one of the conundrums that define our times. Please continue...
I share Andrew's issue of whether you're talking about a general decline in belief, or a more personal one. I too assumed the latter, though the first part of this sounds like the former. Maybe you could swap. 'Way back' for something like 'In childhood'.
Jim, I reckon there are still more than enough people talking to God and getting the wrong answers.
Thank you, John, for the epigrammatic parallels.
Thank you, Jim and Ralph, I am glad these four lines pack some epigrammatic power.
Yes, Jim, Allen's comments are fun. I, too, think he should break those down with line breaks and publish them as poems.
I think I like the ambiguity but I am willing to play around with things.
Would "nowadays" be better? That would preserve both readings, I think.
"Nowadays, when I call, like,
Total Posts: 254,004
You Out There? - Eratosphere
Eratosphere » Metrical Poetry » Metrical Poetry -- The Deep End » You Out There?
Way back God was all, like,
"Yoohoo, here I am!"
Today, though, when I call, like,
nothing. Nothing. Damn.
You could go with when we call and have a different poem. What does not answer is the answer to a prayer.
When there’s no one about in the quad.
Last edited by John Isbell; 07-02-2019 at 05:11 PM.
Does "way back" mean in former times, or way back in the N's life? I'd assume the first meaning, but then the N says "Today, though," so it sounds like more personal history is meant.
There’s a lot going on here Aaron, do two nothings make a bigger nothing?
And ‘damn’ is loaded.
Yoo-hoo, is maybe too colloquial, and would you consider hailing Yahoo, first coined by Swift connoting boorishness and later evolving into the all seeing internet entity?
As Leibnz put it- why is there something rather than nothing? But is there?
Any way it’s provocative and I like it greatly
"SO, YOU WANT MORE EGG IN YOUR BEER? SAY THANK YOU ONCE IN WHILE, EH." This message came from outside the known physical universe, flashing briefly on the destination display in the front of an interstate Greyhound moving at a 
reasonable speed past a lumbering Alfa Romeo.
Maximum condensation! It took me 18 lines to say the same thing. Agnostics and Atheists of the world unite, you have nothing to prove and you're right.
07-03-2019, 07:49 PM
I want a book of your poems with annotations by Allen Tice.
Yep, you're right in the fleshy part of the open wound. This is just one of the conundrums that define our times. Please continue...
I share Andrew's issue of whether you're talking about a general decline in belief, or a more personal one. I too assumed the latter, though the first part of this sounds like the former. Maybe you could swap. 'Way back' for something like 'In childhood'.
Jim, I reckon there are still more than enough people talking to God and getting the wrong answers.
Thank you, John, for the epigrammatic parallels.
Thank you, Jim and Ralph, I am glad these four lines pack some epigrammatic power.
Yes, Jim, Allen's comments are fun. I, too, think he should break those down with line breaks and publish them as poems.
I think I like the ambiguity but I am willing to play around with things.
Would "nowadays" be better? That would preserve both readings, I think.
"Nowadays, when I call, like,
Total Posts: 254,004