Sorry to read this. I can relate. My entire family told me I was stupid. Then when I left home as a kid people I worked for told me I was uneducated and dumb. I believed it until at 16 I met a boy who later went on to become one of the world's top computer scientists. He said "You're not stupid. Read this!" and handed me a book. Cannot recall what it was. But I read everything I could after that.
However even as I aged and became successful in my careers, I always held myself back and never went on to achieve the success I had been offered. I even turned down two book deals. I think my upbringing played a part in this attitude. A lack of confidence somehow.
morondog (13-03-2016), Thumpalumpacus (13-03-2016), god has no twitter account (14-03-2016), SitaSky (14-03-2016)
14-03-2016, 04:27 AM
(13-03-2016 12:32 AM)god has no twitter account Wrote: Aspergers.
Wow, I didn't realize that there was a name for it.
People always told me I was "cold" and emotionless.
Although I'm Married with 2 kids so I obviously can learn to trust at least one person given enough time.
But I don't trust people and by that I don't mean I think they're liars or something, I mean I don't know why they react the way they do and sometimes I don't think they are in full control of themselves. And I don't much like physical contact, I don't want to shake your hand, but I know I have to if you offer it otherwise you'll think I'm hostile or something.
NEVER try to do that cheek kissy thing with me.
14-03-2016, 04:51 AM
My wife grew up in this manner. What was so sad that he was a vicar - as was her mum.
When we met, she wouldn't dare say boo to a goose. When the door bell rang, she tried to hide until they went away. She was even terrified of answering the phone. I just didn't get it. How can one fear a piece of plastic? She explained. I listened.
I didn't piss around. I 'forced' her to answer the phone and the door. I wouldn't take no for an answer. I think there were times when she hated me. Thank goodness for my Aspergers because I didn't care. All I wanted was for her to be the person that she wanted to be and not the person that her father had made her into. It's taken a lot of effort but she's improving. I don't take any credit. She did it herself. All I did was to stop her from doing what her father caused her to do.
During the time when she was afraid of her own shadow, she missed out on so much of life. Now, she's not. She's beginning to do more of the things she wants in life. She realises that she isn't the idiot that her father claimed she was. She now is beginning to appreciate herself and her life.
She is one smart cookie and not the idiot she was told she was.
One day, she'll outgrow me and move on. That's the risk I took.
(14-03-2016 04:27 AM)unsapien Wrote:
People told me that I'm cold and emotionless too.
I'm married too with two kids also.
The only people that I trust are my wife and a very select few friends that I would do literally anything for. That, for me, is what friendship is about. I'm not interested in half measures.
I don't like physical contact either. I can't see the point.
These days, if I don't like the person, I don't shake hands. What they think is their issue - not mine. They have the right to feel as they feel as have I.
In some ways, I feel that I respect people far more than most. If people get upset with me, I'm fine with that. I don't think any less or any more of them. They have a right to be upset with me. I don't have a problem with them exercising their right. They also must recognise that I have rights too. If I think that they are a total pillock, then I reserve the right to tell them. If they feel the need to get upset with this, so be it. It's their right.
People have variously referred to me as Dr Sheldon Cooper, Mr Spock or The Borg. I take that as a compliment.
I tell you what though, I have some bloody weird dreams.
Don't be concerned with what people think of you. You have surprisingly little control over their thoughts anyway. It's therefore not important. Be only concerned with what you think of you. Over that you have much control. That's what's important.
unsapien (15-03-2016)
(13-03-2016 02:36 PM)Banjo Wrote:
I feel the same way, even after going to school and getting a degree I felt like I couldn't pursue any of my career goals because I'm so easily intimidated. I've had to work hard to get over my low self esteem issues and feel comfortable in my own skin and my abilities. My biggest fear is becoming like my dad, he was totally arrogant and thought he was smartest person in the room but he wasn't that smart actually. For example he doesn't know much about evolution or philosophy, two subjects I studied a lot.
I doubt that will ever happen, it's a terrible feeling when someone acts like they are better than you, I can't see myself ever doing that. I find that I tend to baby people or "mother" them because I don't want them to feel bad about themselves ever. I guess in the end it's all worked out but I'm still getting there. I'm sad to think you suffered the same but at least we are not alone, thanks for sharing your story with me.
(14-03-2016 04:51 AM)god has no twitter account Wrote:
During the time when she was afraid of her own shadow, she missed out on so much of life. Now, she's not. She's beginning to do more of the things she wants in life. She realizes that she isn't the idiot that her father claimed she was. She now is beginning to appreciate herself and her life.
I think it's amazing to see how love can transform a person. My fiance did the same for me, I had a few romantic relationships fail in the past because I always felt the person I was with would leave me for not being good enough so I kept them at a distance and picked fights a lot. My fiance didn't let me get away with that and made me feel comfortable enough to love him completely and he made me feel like I was good enough and smart enough to do anything I wanted.
I don't think your wife will outgrow you and move on. As long as she loves you that won't change and hopefully you grow together into a stronger couple.
Sorry to read this. I can relate. My entire family told me I was stupid. Then when I left home as a kid people I worked for told me I was uneducated and dumb. I believed it until at 16 I met a boy who later went on to become one of the world's top computer scientists. He said "You're not stupid. Read this!" and handed me a book. Cannot recall what it was. But I read everything I could after that.
However even as I aged and became successful in my careers, I always held myself back and never went on to achieve the success I had been offered. I even turned down two book deals. I think my upbringing played a part in this attitude. A lack of confidence somehow.
morondog (13-03-2016), Thumpalumpacus (13-03-2016), god has no twitter account (14-03-2016), SitaSky (14-03-2016)
14-03-2016, 04:27 AM
(13-03-2016 12:32 AM)god has no twitter account Wrote: Aspergers.
Wow, I didn't realize that there was a name for it.
People always told me I was "cold" and emotionless.
Although I'm Married with 2 kids so I obviously can learn to trust at least one person given enough time.
But I don't trust people and by that I don't mean I think they're liars or something, I mean I don't know why they react the way they do and sometimes I don't think they are in full control of themselves. And I don't much like physical contact, I don't want to shake your hand, but I know I have to if you offer it otherwise you'll think I'm hostile or something.
NEVER try to do that cheek kissy thing with me.
14-03-2016, 04:51 AM
My wife grew up in this manner. What was so sad that he was a vicar - as was her mum.
When we met, she wouldn't dare say boo to a goose. When the door bell rang, she tried to hide until they went away. She was even terrified of answering the phone. I just didn't get it. How can one fear a piece of plastic? She explained. I listened.
I didn't piss around. I 'forced' her to answer the phone and the door. I wouldn't take no for an answer. I think there were times when she hated me. Thank goodness for my Aspergers because I didn't care. All I wanted was for her to be the person that she wanted to be and not the person that her father had made her into. It's taken a lot of effort but she's improving. I don't take any credit. She did it herself. All I did was to stop her from doing what her father caused her to do.
During the time when she was afraid of her own shadow, she missed out on so much of life. Now, she's not. She's beginning to do more of the things she wants in life. She realises that she isn't the idiot that her father claimed she was. She now is beginning to appreciate herself and her life.
She is one smart cookie and not the idiot she was told she was.
One day, she'll outgrow me and move on. That's the risk I took.
(14-03-2016 04:27 AM)unsapien Wrote:
People told me that I'm cold and emotionless too.
I'm married too with two kids also.
The only people that I trust are my wife and a very select few friends that I would do literally anything for. That, for me, is what friendship is about. I'm not interested in half measu
res.
I don't like physical contact either. I can't see the point.
These days, if I don't like the person, I don't shake hands. What they think is their issue - not mine. They have the right to feel as they feel as have I.
In some ways, I feel that I respect people far more than most. If people get upset with me, I'm fine with that. I don't think any less or any more of them. They have a right to be upset with me. I don't have a problem with them exercising their right. They also must recognise that I have rights too. If I think that they are a total pillock, then I reserve the right to tell them. If they feel the need to get upset with this, so be it. It's their right.
People have variously referred to me as Dr Sheldon Cooper, Mr Spock or The Borg. I take that as a compliment.
I tell you what though, I have some bloody weird dreams.
Don't be concerned with what people think of you. You have surprisingly little control over their thoughts anyway. It's therefore not important. Be only concerned with what you think of you. Over that you have much control. That's what's important.
unsapien (15-03-2016)
(13-03-2016 02:36 PM)Banjo Wrote:
I feel the same way, even after going to school and getting a degree I felt like I couldn't pursue any of my career goals because I'm so easily intimidated. I've had to work hard to get over my low self esteem issues and feel comfortable in my own skin and my abilities. My biggest fear is becoming like my dad, he was totally arrogant and thought he was smartest person in the room but he wasn't that smart actually. For example he doesn't know much about evolution or philosophy, two subjects I studied a lot.
I doubt that will ever happen, it's a terrible feeling when someone acts like they are better than you, I can't see myself ever doing that. I find that I tend to baby people or "mother" them because I don't want them to feel bad about themselves ever. I guess in the end it's all worked out but I'm still getting there. I'm sad to think you suffered the same but at least we are not alone, thanks for sharing your story with me.
(14-03-2016 04:51 AM)god has no twitter account Wrote:
During the time when she was afraid of her own shadow, she missed out on so much of life. Now, she's not. She's beginning to do more of the things she wants in life. She realizes that she isn't the idiot that her father claimed she was. She now is beginning to appreciate herself and her life.
I think it's amazing to see how love can transform a person. My fiance did the same for me, I had a few romantic relationships fail in the past because I always felt the person I was with would leave me for not being good enough so I kept them at a distance and picked fights a lot. My fiance didn't let me get away with that and made me feel comfortable enough to love him completely and he made me feel like I was good enough and smart enough to do anything I wanted.
I don't think your wife will outgrow you and move on. As long as she loves you that won't change and hopefully you grow together into a stronger couple.