Is he rude and disrespectful, or am I being too sensitive?
Thread: Is he rude and disrespectful, or am I being too sensitive?
Hi all. As some of you know, I am in the process of getting a divorce (almost 29 year marriage). His lawyer drew up papers and I am awaiting to receive them; my lawyer will be reviewing them, etc. He told me he would be faithful and not screw around until the divorce was final. I've moved into my apartment but I go back to my house nearly every day to pick up odds and ends. I always text him before going and ask if it's OK to go. He said OK but be finished by 2:00. That said, I went yesterday while he was at work. I proceeded to go up to my former bedroom and master bathroom to see if I left anything there that I needed.
I was stunned to see two pillows on my bed. I proceeded to the bathroom. There's a toothbrush on my side of the sink (there are double sinks). Then, I notice an extra set of towels by his towels. I felt like someone punched me in the solar plexus. Now, we both realize that divorce was inevitable (third time he's mentioned wanting one in 6 years). I'm OK with that and, although I am very sad, I am also somewhat relieved. But, I do miss him however toxic the marriage was. Long story. Anyway, perhaps I am too naive or too stupid or whatever you want to label it, but I didn't think he'd screw someone so quickly. That, in of itself, doesn't bother me too much but the fact that knowing that I go there often, I thought he'd have the courtesy to either clean up her things so I wouldn't see them OR tell me not to go over. Yes, we are separated but it still hurt so much to see how quickly he's jumped into the sack. I thought he'd at least wait a while. Doesn't say much about how he regards me. Am I wrong to feel this way? i was coping pretty well before witnessing this upsetting scenario. I would appreciate your views.
He has been doing it all along and probably moved her in. That is what I think.
07-04-2018, 10:13 AM #3
He has not been doing it all along because I go to the house every day except weekends and I notice what's in the dirty clothes hamper. He's not one to fold clean sheets and towels. He leaves them in the clean hamper. I moved out 2 weeks ago, so this is a recent thing.
07-04-2018, 10:43 AM #4
What do you care? You're separated and you're divorcing. He can do whatever he wants. You can do whatever you want. This is not the time to develop a final wave of jealousy or try to control what he does. Look the other way and move on.
07-04-2018, 10:44 AM #5
Are you sure he didn't hire a housekeeper? That would explain folded stuff and a miss placed toothbrush...from her wiping the counters down. I used to be a house keeper and I had a habit of putting things back the way I like, not the way they had it.
07-04-2018, 11:21 AM #6
I'm not trying to control him. He's free to do whatever he wants - just don't let me see it. Don't rub salt into the wound. I'm not sure why I care. Guess it bothers me because I regard it as insensitive on his part and so hurtful. He knew I was going over so I think he should have made an effort to get rid of her stuff before leaving for work, out of respect for me. He can do whatever he wants just don't be so brazen about it. Remember, he dumped me and I'm trying to cope with that. That's enough pain.
07-04-2018, 11:26 AM #7
As I said to DanZee, I go back to the house every day. He knew I was going. Her towels were hanging next to his in the bathroom, after showering (obviously) AND he took a new toothbrush out of the vanity. The case was in the garbage beside the sink. It wasn't there the day before. Plus, I went early in the morning and the towels were still damp. So, no, it wasn't a housekeeper.
07-04-2018, 11:47 AM #8
I think that you should stop going for every little thing. You should have a moving day to collect all of your clothing and personal effects -- your clothing, toiletries, photo albums from your childhood and all that should already be out but if not -- you should make a list of those things and go get them once and for all and then outline in the divorce settlement what you get as far as furniture, cookware, artwork etc. And then on a determined day, you bring a moving truck and take it all.
We told you that he had someone else -- due to the hasty nature of the divorce (the problems had been going on off and on for awhile, but he never actually was going to divorce you). All those other times, he didn't.
I hope you got a shark of a lawyer and that you tell them that there is another woman.
07-04-2018, 11:59 AM #9
Make moving day ONCE.
I already had a moving day with a U-Haul truck (June 16). I have all the furniture that I need/want. He suggested that I move the middle of June since I found an apartment - that gave me 11 days to move all my things. Not enough time to pack everything. I go back because I wanted to take the china, crystal, craft dies, etc on my own and not with a truck. All I'm saying is that I wish he were more discreet. I was his wife for 29 years; doesn't that count for something? You know the old saying "What you don't know can't hurt you." Well, now I know and it does hurt - a lot. Yes, I am meeting with my lawyer this week.
divorce, respect, marriage
Is he rude and disrespectful, or am I being too sensitive?
Thread: Is he rude and disrespectful, or am I being too sensitive?
Hi all. As some of you know, I am in the process of getting a divorce (almost 29 year marriage). His lawyer drew up papers and I am awaiting to receive them; my lawyer will be reviewing them, etc. He told me he would be faithful and not screw around until the divorce was final. I've moved into my apartment but I go back to my house nearly every day to pick up odds and ends. I always text him before going and ask if it's OK to go. He said OK but be finished by 2:00. That said, I went yesterday while he was at work. I proceeded to go up to my former bedroom and master bathroom to see if I left anything there that I needed.
I was stunned to see two pillows on my bed. I proceeded to the bathroom. There's a toothbrush on my side of the sink (there are double sinks). Then, I notice an extra set of towels by his towels. I felt like someone punched me in the solar plexus. Now, we both realize that divorce was inevitable (third time he's mentioned wanting one in 6 years). I'm OK with that and, although I am very sad, I am also somewhat relieved. But, I do miss him however toxic the marriage was. Long story. Anyway, perhaps I am too naive or too stupid or whatever you want to label it, but I didn't think he'd screw someone so quickly. That, in of itself, doesn't bother me too much but the fact that knowing that I go there often, I thought he'd have the courtesy to either clean up her things so I wouldn't see them OR tell me not to go over. Yes, we are separated but it still hurt so much to see how quickly he's jumped into the sack. I thought he'd at least wait a while. Doesn't say much about how he regards me. Am I wrong to feel this way? i was coping pretty well before witnessing this upsetting scenario. I would appreciate your views.
He has been doing it all along and probably moved her in. That is what I think.
07-04-2018, 10:13 AM #3
He has not been doing it all along because I go to the house every day except weekends and I notice what's in the dirty clothes hamper. He's not one to fold clean sheets and towels. He leaves them in the clean hamper. I moved out 2 weeks ago, so this is a recent thing.
07-04-2018, 10:43 AM #4
What do you care? You're separated and you're divorcing. He can do whatever he wants. You can do whatever you want. This is not the time to develop a final wave of jealousy or try to control what he does. Look the other way and move on.
07-04-2018, 10:44 AM #5
Are you sure he didn't hire a housekeeper? That would explain folded stuff and a mi
ss placed toothbrush...from her wiping the counters down. I used to be a house keeper and I had a habit of putting things back the way I like, not the way they had it.
07-04-2018, 11:21 AM #6
I'm not trying to control him. He's free to do whatever he wants - just don't let me see it. Don't rub salt into the wound. I'm not sure why I care. Guess it bothers me because I regard it as insensitive on his part and so hurtful. He knew I was going over so I think he should have made an effort to get rid of her stuff before leaving for work, out of respect for me. He can do whatever he wants just don't be so brazen about it. Remember, he dumped me and I'm trying to cope with that. That's enough pain.
07-04-2018, 11:26 AM #7
As I said to DanZee, I go back to the house every day. He knew I was going. Her towels were hanging next to his in the bathroom, after showering (obviously) AND he took a new toothbrush out of the vanity. The case was in the garbage beside the sink. It wasn't there the day before. Plus, I went early in the morning and the towels were still damp. So, no, it wasn't a housekeeper.
07-04-2018, 11:47 AM #8
I think that you should stop going for every little thing. You should have a moving day to collect all of your clothing and personal effects -- your clothing, toiletries, photo albums from your childhood and all that should already be out but if not -- you should make a list of those things and go get them once and for all and then outline in the divorce settlement what you get as far as furniture, cookware, artwork etc. And then on a determined day, you bring a moving truck and take it all.
We told you that he had someone else -- due to the hasty nature of the divorce (the problems had been going on off and on for awhile, but he never actually was going to divorce you). All those other times, he didn't.
I hope you got a shark of a lawyer and that you tell them that there is another woman.
07-04-2018, 11:59 AM #9
Make moving day ONCE.
I already had a moving day with a U-Haul truck (June 16). I have all the furniture that I need/want. He suggested that I move the middle of June since I found an apartment - that gave me 11 days to move all my things. Not enough time to pack everything. I go back because I wanted to take the china, crystal, craft dies, etc on my own and not with a truck. All I'm saying is that I wish he were more discreet. I was his wife for 29 years; doesn't that count for something? You know the old saying "What you don't know can't hurt you." Well, now I know and it does hurt - a lot. Yes, I am meeting with my lawyer this week.
divorce, respect, marriage