Summer – The Rambler Online
Trump Trials New Drug Dealing Scheme, Backfires Almost Immediately
August 23, 2017 August 23, 2017 J. NugentLeave a comment
More and more drugs come to our shores every year from all over the world. But none have come from the higher echelons of democratically elected leaders. It is well known that President Elect Donald Trump is a shrewd and canny business man but few would have imagined he try to pull of this stunt.
It seems that while he was distracting the world with talk of building a border wall theme park with Mexico, he was also employing a German father and son duo to produce thousands of ecstasy pills for him. 5,000 carrot coloured ecstasy tablets to be exact, in the shape of Donald’s head with the word Trump emblazoned on the back.
It is thought the drugs would have been sold on the internet under the slogan, “Trump makes partying great again”.
Ecstasy often leads people to dance funnily and sweat profusely whilst loving everything in sight.
One arresting officer commented on the uncanny likeness of the President’s exuberant hairstyle on the pills and said a good hand must have made them.
The White House deny all allegations after The Rambler opened up the discourse. No other news agencies have taken the same stance because it cant be confirmed that Donald is in any way involved.
Posted in #News #Satirical, News, Trump, UK News, World NewsTagged Controversial, Drugs, Economy, Europe, Fake, Holiday, Journalism, Journalist, News, Summer, TV
Jacob Rees-Mogg Concerned With Big Ben’s Silence Over Drinking Fears
August 22, 2017 J. NugentLeave a comment
Yesterday marked the first day of the silencing of Big Ben, for a number of years the clock will not be able to tell the time and confuse Londoners as a result. This is due to the current alcoholism that the clock has found itself in after falling off the wagon a bit and developing a taste for single malt. A rehab team has been sent in to try and sort out the problem.
However, no one is as outraged as the Conservative MP, Jacob Rees-Mogg, referring to it as the greatest tragedy of our time. He insists that the clock should be allowed to keep drinking as it has every right to do so.
The PM, whilst not happy with the idea, didn’t think it good for the country’s image to have an alcoholic clock as one of its main tourist attractions and feared global backlash after the clock began to slur at innocent bystanders.
Whilst other problems of this green and pleasant land, like child poverty and the GP crisis, pale into insignificance compared to the national treasures alcoholism.
Posted in #News #Satirical, News, UK News, Uncategorized, World NewsTagged Beer, Controversial, Economy, england, Europe, Journalism, News, Parliament, Report, Summer
Man Buys Self Help Book, Doesn’t Help Himself
August 21, 2017 August 21, 2017 J. NugentLeave a comment
Today it can be confirmed that 25 year old Timothy Wretchington, who is going through a quarter life crisis, bought a self help book by a leading guru, as a means of finding a way out of these current doldrums.
He graduated with a First Class Honours Degree in Philosophy from Bristol but since then has struggled with the existential weight of his existence.
“I have done everything I can think of, broke up with my girlfriend of seven years thinking she was the problem…..I went around the world, to India, Australia, Latin America and didn’t post one picture to Instagram. That didn’t help either, my mum actually thought I was dead because I had gone quiet on social media…..so I bought this book….”
The self help book listed improving your emotional vocabulary and to break visceral reactions, or to just try looking a pictures of kittens playing.
His housemates can confirm that it hasn’t worked,
“Nah, he is still the same, could be all the weed he smokes though…”
Posted in #News #Satirical, News, UK News, World NewsTagged england, Holiday, Journalism, Journalist, News, Report, Self Help, Student, Summer, University
August 20, 2017 August 21, 2017 J. NugentLeave a comment
August 18, 2017 August 21, 2017 J. NugentLeave a comment
As cities grow and technology consumes us, this old man still burns the flame bright for a culture that is being replace. He endures in this green corner of England.
Summer – The Rambler Online
Trump Trials New Drug Dealing Scheme, Backfires Almost Immediately
August 23, 2017 August 23, 2017 J. NugentLeave a comment
More and more drugs come to our shores every year from all over the world. But none have come from the higher echelons of democratically elected leaders. It is well known that President Elect Donald Trump is a shrewd and canny business man but few would have imagined he try to pull of this stunt.
It seems that while he was distracting the world with talk of building a border wall theme park with Mexico, he was also employing a German father and son duo to produce thousands of ecstasy pills for him. 5,000 carrot coloured ecstasy tablets to be exact, in the shape of Donald’s head with the word Trump emblazoned on the back.
It is thought the drugs would have been sold on the internet under the slogan, “Trump makes partying great again”.
Ecstasy often leads people to dance funnily and sweat profusely whilst loving everything in sight.
One arresting officer commented on the uncanny likeness of the President’s exuberant hairstyle on the pills and said a good hand must have made them.
The White House deny all allegations after The Rambler opened up the discourse. No other news agencies have taken the same stance because it cant be confirmed that Donald is in any way involved.
Posted in #News #Satirical, News, Trump, UK News, World NewsTagged Controversial, Drugs, Economy, Europe, Fake, Holiday, Journalism, Journalist, News, Summer, TV
Jacob Rees-Mogg Concerned With Big Ben’s Silence Over Drinking Fears
August 22, 2017 J. NugentLeave a comment
Yesterday marked the first day of the silencing of Big Ben, for a number of years the clock will not be able to tell the time and confuse Londoners as a result. This is due to the current alcoholism that the clock has found itself in after falling off the wagon a bit and developing a taste for single malt. A rehab team has been sent in to try and sort out the problem.
However, no one is as outraged as the Conservative MP, Jacob Rees-Mogg, referring to it as the greatest tragedy of our time. He insists that the clock sho
uld be allowed to keep drinking as it has every right to do so.
The PM, whilst not happy with the idea, didn’t think it good for the country’s image to have an alcoholic clock as one of its main tourist attractions and feared global backlash after the clock began to slur at innocent bystanders.
Whilst other problems of this green and pleasant land, like child poverty and the GP crisis, pale into insignificance compared to the national treasures alcoholism.
Posted in #News #Satirical, News, UK News, Uncategorized, World NewsTagged Beer, Controversial, Economy, england, Europe, Journalism, News, Parliament, Report, Summer
Man Buys Self Help Book, Doesn’t Help Himself
August 21, 2017 August 21, 2017 J. NugentLeave a comment
Today it can be confirmed that 25 year old Timothy Wretchington, who is going through a quarter life crisis, bought a self help book by a leading guru, as a means of finding a way out of these current doldrums.
He graduated with a First Class Honours Degree in Philosophy from Bristol but since then has struggled with the existential weight of his existence.
“I have done everything I can think of, broke up with my girlfriend of seven years thinking she was the problem…..I went around the world, to India, Australia, Latin America and didn’t post one picture to Instagram. That didn’t help either, my mum actually thought I was dead because I had gone quiet on social media…..so I bought this book….”
The self help book listed improving your emotional vocabulary and to break visceral reactions, or to just try looking a pictures of kittens playing.
His housemates can confirm that it hasn’t worked,
“Nah, he is still the same, could be all the weed he smokes though…”
Posted in #News #Satirical, News, UK News, World NewsTagged england, Holiday, Journalism, Journalist, News, Report, Self Help, Student, Summer, University
August 20, 2017 August 21, 2017 J. NugentLeave a comment
August 18, 2017 August 21, 2017 J. NugentLeave a comment
As cities grow and technology consumes us, this old man still burns the flame bright for a culture that is being replace. He endures in this green corner of England.