Re: being bullied in gay pub - ReachOut Forums - 37194
‎13-05-2013 12:45 AM
being bullied in gay pub
I am getting bullied by an person I had been seeing over 7-8 years ago, in a pub. He continually gives me dirty looks, stands behind me and sings loudly to annoy me. I get so angry I have to leave. This constitutes bullying and it has gotten to the stage I cannot deal with it any longer. He has quite a few friends he chats to about me and they laugh when they walk past me. I dont feel the security will deal with this problem at all. I don't feel anyone really bothers until its too late. Ok I may not have any friends, but this guy is making my life a living hell. Any sensible ideas????
‎13-05-2013 04:59 PM
It is terrible that you are getting bullied especially in such a public place. It seems that this person has really dedicated time and energy just to irritate you and it is really sad for them. It is also terrible that he has got his friends involved as well, you do not deserve this.
Have you thought of speaking to him and asking him why he is doing this or told him to stop? Maybe you could speak to the person/people who own the pub and explain to them what is going on and they might be able to do something about this? This is all I can think of right now but have you thought of consulting the police and finding out what you could be done about this?
I'm so sorry to hear you're having to go through this. It sounds like this person is making thngs really difficult for you. I think the suggestions Ruenhonx madeare good ones, and if that doesn't work is it possible to find another pub to hang at? If only so you can have an enjoable night out.
Reading your post really struck a cord with me, mostly because when I go to my local gay bars it makes me feel welcomed and like I'm part of a community. I'm sorry to hear that you aren't feeling this way at your local.
What makes dealing with bullies easier for me is knowing that them bullying me means that something big is going on for them, so really it is their issue rather than being mine. I try to remember that the reason they're bullying me is because they're trying to find an outlet. This doesn't make it alright to do, but it helps me not to see it as such a personal attack.
Sometimes else that is important to keep in mind is that bullies usually bully people just to get a response, they want to see you cry or hit them or storm out or throw your drink in their face, because they want to see some proof that they've made you feel worse than they feel.
I would recommend doing what feels right for you, whether it be asking them to back down, ignoring what they're doing, finding a new pub or talking to the owner. Make sure you feel comfortable with what you're doing. This factsheet might give you some ideas!
It might even be nice to put yourself out there and make some new friends at the bar rather than having to sit and put up with the crap these guys are giving you.
‎24-05-2013 02:21 PM
I don't know about giving you dirty looks, and singing behind your back is an unusual way to be bullied but have you considered sticking up for yourself and assertively confronting the person? If he sings behind your back, stand up and face him and say in an assertive tone "What's your problem? Why are you hassling me?"
You can't utilize the police unless he is threatening / physically assaulting you etc.
Re: being bullied in gay pub - ReachOut Forums - 37194
‎13-05-2013 12:45 AM
being bullied in gay pub
I am getting bullied by an person I had been seeing over 7-8 years ago, in a pub. He continually gives me dirty looks, stands behind me and sings loudly to annoy me. I get so angry I have to leave. This constitutes bullying and it has gotten to the stage I cannot deal with it any longer. He has quite a few friends he chats to about me and they laugh when they walk past me. I dont feel the security will deal with this problem at all. I don't feel anyone really bothers until its too late. Ok I may not have any friends, but this guy is making my life a living hell. Any sensible ideas????
‎13-05-2013 04:59 PM
It is terrible that you are getting bullied especially in such a public place. It seems that this person has really dedicated time and energy just to irritate you and it is really sad for them. It is also terrible that he has got his friends involved as well, you do not deserve this.
Have you thought of speaking to him and asking him why he is doing this or told him to stop? Maybe you could speak to the person/people who own the pub and explain to them what is going on and they might be able to do something about this? This is all I can think of right now but have you thought of consulting the police and finding out what you could be done about this?
I'm so sorry to hear you're having to go through this. It sounds like this person is making thngs really difficult for you. I think the suggestions Ruenhonx madeare good ones, and if that doesn't work is it possible to find another pub to hang at? If only so you can have an enjoable night out.
Reading your post really s
truck a cord with me, mostly because when I go to my local gay bars it makes me feel welcomed and like I'm part of a community. I'm sorry to hear that you aren't feeling this way at your local.
What makes dealing with bullies easier for me is knowing that them bullying me means that something big is going on for them, so really it is their issue rather than being mine. I try to remember that the reason they're bullying me is because they're trying to find an outlet. This doesn't make it alright to do, but it helps me not to see it as such a personal attack.
Sometimes else that is important to keep in mind is that bullies usually bully people just to get a response, they want to see you cry or hit them or storm out or throw your drink in their face, because they want to see some proof that they've made you feel worse than they feel.
I would recommend doing what feels right for you, whether it be asking them to back down, ignoring what they're doing, finding a new pub or talking to the owner. Make sure you feel comfortable with what you're doing. This factsheet might give you some ideas!
It might even be nice to put yourself out there and make some new friends at the bar rather than having to sit and put up with the crap these guys are giving you.
‎24-05-2013 02:21 PM
I don't know about giving you dirty looks, and singing behind your back is an unusual way to be bullied but have you considered sticking up for yourself and assertively confronting the person? If he sings behind your back, stand up and face him and say in an assertive tone "What's your problem? Why are you hassling me?"
You can't utilize the police unless he is threatening / physically assaulting you etc.